This is the first story in a two-part series about the unique relationship shared between a young man and his young caregiver (go to part two).

Nathan Herman and Dylan Marriner

Nathan and Dylan could be any two dudes in their early 20s, hanging out beneath band posters in their hoodie jackets and ironic T-shirts, chatting away their afternoons about music, video games, and cult-classic films.

They certainly don’t look like the future of caregiving in America — but that’s exactly what they could be. 

Suffering from a degenerative spinal cord disease called Spinal Muscular Atrophy, 25-year-old Nathan Herman has had several personal care assistants in his lifetime. But while most of them have been older women with kids and lives unlike his, Dylan Marriner is Nathan’s demographic peer: a young, self-described “geek” who shares Nathan’s pop cultural interests.

Perhaps a younger generation with strong arms and open minds represents an untapped pool of workers who can not only help to fill the country’s enormous care gap for elders but can also identify with, and assist, the many young people who suffer from disabilities.

A case in point is Nathan, who says having a young male work with him makes more sense for a number of reasons, including the delicacies of personal grooming and, most importantly, his and Dylan’s ability to relate to each other on a personal level.

The two of them explain the process of dressing Nathan for a cold New England day, getting Nathan into body and leg braces and then into his motorized wheelchair with the finishing-each-other’s-sentences way of conversation used by people who spend a lot of time together. This is because they spend nearly 40 hours a week in each other’s company.

Nathan having his hair washed by Dylan.

With expressive dark brown eyes and long lashes, Nathan lives in a reclined position, using his thumb to manipulate a computer touchpad to draw comic book action heroes and soft, lovingly embracing and nuzzling figures – a new addition to his work since he met and married Ali Neenan in 2005.

While Ali goes off to work, Dylan assists Nathan with bathing, dressing, eating; positions him to use his computer; and performs all the other daily tasks that those without disabilities take for granted. But what makes Dylan’s role in Nathan’s life special is that he is Nathan’s perfect companion. Discussing their shared interests of movies, TV shows, video games and music brings Nathan into the world.

A serendipitous moment

Before hiring Dylan one year ago, Nathan had gone three years without a personal care assistant, instead relying on his new wife to care for him.

“I dragged my heels because it’s such a pain to find someone who is competent and then train them to be more competent,” he says.

Dylan has turned out to be more than competent. Last February, when Dylan looked around Nathan’s living room and commented on certain cult movies and action figures, Nathan knew that the interview was over. He had found his new personal care assistant.

Dylan brushing Nathan's teeth.

“It was a serendipitous moment,” says Dylan, between feeding Nathan bites of a feta omelet. “I don’t think it would have worked out if we didn’t get along so well.”  “It was, ‘You’ve got the job, now let’s just talk,’” remembers Nathan.

The two of them have since gone to Dylan’s home to hang out with his friends who wanted to meet Nathan – no easy task since it involves meticulous preparation.

For Dylan, entry into the direct-care world represents a dramatic change of direction. The past year has been unlike any other time in his life. He was out of work for a couple of years prior to working with Nathan. Before that he worked at a Toys R Us. He began seeking work with a local non-profit disability service organization only after talking with an acquaintance who worked as a personal care assistant.

“Mostly it was opportunity,” he says. “I was out of work for a couple of years.”

Dylan recently got a slight raise to $11.40 an hour. He has been told that he may be eligible for health insurance next year. But he lives with his parents and has no children of his own and no big bills to pay. He says he’d like to get married some day and have a family, and he knows he could never do it on his current pay.

“If I had to live completely independently, I couldn’t,” he says. “I think it would be pretty hard. I’d have to find more people in need of services.”

(go to part two)

- Story by Dinah Cardin